When you're busy and your child doesn't listen to you, or when they repeat the same thing over and over again even after you've scolded them, it can be frustrating and you may end up getting irritated and angry.
However, after getting angry, many people probably look at their child's sleeping face and say, "I'm sorry," regretting their actions.
For those of you who are wondering "what should I do," we will introduce a way of communicating without getting angry, in a way that will make both parents and children feel at ease.
"What's wrong?" is the key to the solution
Parents may get angry because they don't understand what they want to say, but when children are scolded, they only feel anger and it becomes difficult to convey the words they want to say. Also, if they are told to do something, they will repeat the same thing if they don't agree with it.
So, when you feel like getting angry, take a few deep breaths and ask your child, "What's wrong?" First, listen to what they're thinking. Also, when you listen to them, be sympathetic to their feelings and accept them by saying, "I see that's what you wanted to do." If your child is listened to, they will feel accepted and will be able to tell you how they feel.
Next, explain the reason why, saying "I'd be happy if you did this," and then specifically explain your feelings and the actions you want them to take. At first, the child may not be able to control his or her emotions well and may not be able to act as you tell them. However, by repeatedly explaining the reasons, the child will be able to sort out his or her feelings and change his or her behavior little by little.
Just as parents want their children to do things in a certain way, children also want to do things in a certain way. First of all, it is important to approach your child and listen to how they feel. By listening, you can objectively consider the reasons for your child's behavior, and you will be able to respond calmly. Also, when you tell your child something, it is a good idea to think about what you would say to them in order to convince them.
Start by asking your child, "What's wrong?"
How to praise and acknowledge
The best way to communicate with children is to praise and acknowledge them regularly.
For example, if you want to reduce arguments with your younger child, pay attention to the times when your child is getting along with the younger child and praise him/her by saying, "You're doing a great job getting along." If you also convey your feelings by saying, "I'm glad you're getting along," this will resonate with your child better.
Being praised gives children the opportunity to learn what kind of behavior is good. Also, being praised and recognized fills a child's heart and helps them understand what their parents want to tell them.
In addition, try to be conscious of praising your child for the little things they do in their daily lives, such as smiling and eating by themselves, saying things that you might take for granted, such as "You always have a nice smile on your face," "You're great that you can sit down and eat your meals properly," or "I'm so glad." Praising creates a sense of security for both parties, which leads to a relationship of trust between parent and child.
For the first week, just give your child lots of praise for their normal behavior, even if it seems like a little trick. I'm sure you'll both end up smiling more often.
Let's relax our shoulders
It is important to have a relaxed mind in order to communicate effectively. Don't expect perfection from yourself or your child, but focus on the small things you can do better than yesterday and watch your child grow.
It's also important to go at your child's pace at first. On busy mornings, try waking up five minutes earlier than usual. Just doing that will give you the mental space you need to listen to them, find their good points, and praise and acknowledge them.
Instead of trying to do all the housework and childcare perfectly, try to relax a little and create some time and mental space to spend with your children. I'm sure you'll get less angry and both you and your children will feel more at ease.
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Editor: Yuko Fukushima (Principal of Mirai Tachibanadori Nursery School) The most important thing during early childhood is to teach good behavior, and to acknowledge and praise children when they do it. |
